Film Review: Cabin in the Woods {{2012}}

Horror movies are great especially with the twist.  I love the commercials when I saw Cabin in the woods. It wasn't your average horror movie that keeps repeating itself.  I had to give it a chance.

Cabin in the Woods

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~

Opening credits begin with scenes of old pictures of sacrifices through out the history of man, leading into seeing two coworkers, Gary Sitterson {{Richard Jenkins}} and Steve Hadley {{Bradley Whitford}} talking about Hadley's wife baby proofing his home as they are going through the whole fertility process. The way it opens is different, just two people doing their job while talking about the boring mundane parts of their lives.  A fellow coworker, Wendy Lin {{Amy Acker}}comes from behind them reporting that another location has gone south.  They converse with each other and talk about how a scenario went south due to Chems department fault.  Which gives some seriousness of their job.  While Stitterson and Hadley joke it off and not to worry that they know what they are doing.
As Hadley is talking to Stitterson about coming over to liberate his cabinets....Hadley realizes that Stitterson is ignoring him.  Slapping on the old school credits.  Nothing fancy, just big bold red letters of Cabin in the woods.
Next we see college student Dana Polk {{Kristen Connolly}} packing.  She grabs her sketchbook and opens it up to a profile of a man.  Her friend & roommate Jules Louden {{Anna Hutchison}}, tears the picture out causing Dana noticing her newly dyed blonde hair.  Jules rips the picture out and gives that whole she wants her friend to get laid this weekend.  Dana informs Jules that is not what she is insisting upon.  Jules places this bikini in her bag and takes out books and tells her that this is suppose to be a fun weekend and no more learning.
Jules boyfriend Curt Vaughan {{Chris Hemsworth}} enters the room by throwing a football.  The girls move out of the way, while the football flies out the window and is caught by Holden McCrea {{Jesse Williams}}, the other college student that Curt and Jules are setting Dana up with.
The friends are all geared up to go to this cabin that Curt's cousin bought and putting their things into an RV called "The Rambler".  Which their fifth and final friend Marty Miklaski {{Fran Kranz}} shows up with a thermal coffee bong. They all debate about bringing the giant bong in "the Rambler", but Marty transforms it back down to the thermal coffee mug.  Everyone gets excited about leaving and they head out.  On the top of the house as "The Rambler" drives off is an agent informing that "the nest was empty"
Back to the work place.  Stitterson and Hadley is greeted by a security officer Daniel Truman {{Brian White}, who is very military strict.  Hadley and Stitterson tries to joke with Truman. They also ask if Truman knows what's going on and that being informed is different than being prepared.
It moves over to the friends in "The Rambler"  and they are bantering about society like everyone of us does.  The group ends up at this old gas station to get gas and ask for directions.  Seemingly typical for every horror movie.  The old guy is very rude to the group and the group leaves.  Headed to the cabin.
We return to Stitterson and Hadley globally locating their subjects.  And we see them drive through a tunnel where a beautiful hawk or falcon is flying and crashes into an electronic invisible force field...killing it.  But the group is unawares of it.
The group ends up at the Buckner place or according to Curt, his newly bought cousins country home.  The team looks the place over.  Settling in.
The technicians have the vitals and stats of the five registered and Lin informs them of how they are making Jules dumb with her hair dye that is seeping gradually through the head...giving the old age comedy of dumb blonde, but they are wanting to increase libido giving the fuel to horny dumb blonde in typical horror movie scenarios.  There is a room change and they also inform other technicians that Holden and Dana did a room change.
The friends have fun in the water, being the typical young college students. Where they go back to the control room.  Truman is fairly disgusted with what he is seeing on the actions of Stitterson and Hadley.  Finding out they are betting on the demise of the five friends.  Hadley and Stitterson tries to explain to Truman about the actions of free will and how it's all part of the system.  How there is a harbinger of doom...warning the group, but it's the choice to ignore him or abide by his warnings and turn back home.  How the friends need to choose their demise by the collection of monsters in their stables.
The friends all get into the whole roles in their chemically induced alter egos.  They play a game of Truth or Dare...where Jules shows off that whorish personality...when it comes to Dana, she also picks dare...and the technicians slam the cellar door open.  Where in every horror movie, they all say it's the wind and everyone seems to agree in the group leaving the audience to be "are you fucking kidding me?"...which gave Marty that everybody feel.  He found it to be a bit odd, but everyone ignored him because he was on the reefer.
Dana goes down stairs on the dare and screams when she sees a portrait of a girl.  The rest of the friends come downstairs and examine the items.
Each person grabs an item and starts to play with it.  Dana grabs everyone's attention with an old diary of Patience Buckner, whose family was consumed with their own religion of pain. Inside is an incantation in Latin and everyone knows to not read the Latin.  Marty hears a voice whispering to read and it sort of fuels the whole reason of why anyone would want to read that.  Curt acts very macho with pushing Marty away about being a baby when he tries to stop Dana.  Causing the Buckner zombie family to be unleashed.
In the control room, maintenance wins the betting pool of who would be conjured. Zombie redneck torture family....which Stitterson has to explain to another technician about the differences of regular zombies and these kind.
We go back to the kids as they watch Jules do a very sultry dance.  Marty is sitting there a bit confused as is Dana.  Marty tries to give them his theory but Curt whisks Jules outside for some alone time.  Marty tries to talk to Dana about his paranoid rantings of what is going on.  Yet, one moment is his coherent in his rants and the next he is talking like a regular pothead.
Inside the lab, the technicians are dealing with the technical aspects of temperature control to create the right mood for the right aspect.  As Jules and Curt are about to get it on.  Truman scowls at the fact that Stitterson and Hadley request to see Jules breasts.  Stitterson and Hadley explain to Truman that they are not the only ones watching this and they need to keep their customers happy.
Jules and Curt are enjoying themselves when the Buckners come in and stab Jules in the hand.  Curt gets off and tries to help when he is stabbed in the shoulder.  Jules is taken a good distance away from Curt and he watches in horror as they behead her.  In the lab, they make a prayer and destroy a vial of blood that goes through the cracks of a symbol of a woman on a wall.
In Marty's room, he is reading a book and hears a whisper of a woman saying what he needs to do.  Marty flips out and in the end...announces that he is going for a walk, the exact words the voices the said.  Marty passes Dana and Holden and informs her that Holden has a "husband bulge"...one of the funniest lines of the movie. Dana is acting like a complete virgin and even had caught herself from how she was speaking. Marty goes outside and realizes there is no stars outside.  Curt bumps into him and tells him to get back inside.  Curt slams a zombie girl to the ground.
Curt and Marty go inside and Holden grabs Curt and tries to control him.  Dana is wondering where Jules is and wants to go outside....where one of the Buckners is standing and throws something at Dana who catches it and sees it's Jules head.  She screams and Curt runs and pushes the door close.  All the friends push the door close keeping the Buckners out.
Curt at first tells the group that they need to barracked themselves in and stick together.  Hadley gets upset, but Stitterson uses some gas and puts Curt to say that he was wrong and the group should split up and cover more ground.  The only one that doesn't agree is Marty.  Before he can say anything else...one of the Buckners bust through.  Curt putting on the alpha male..tells everyone to run to their room.
Where the lab seals them all shut in their.  Marty flips out and accidentally drops a lamp on the ground and sees a hidden camera and pulls the wire.  He sits down by the window thinking he is on a reality TV show.  Hadley rushes to call Chem department to pump some chemical in his room, but Stitterson stops him and informs him that another Buckner is on his way.
Holden, Dana and Curt manage to get out of the house and into "The Rambler", but after informing Dana that Marty is gone.  They do what everyone has always thought of when they watch a horror movie...and get the hell out of there.  Lin yells at Hadley and finds out that the tunnel has not blown.  Stitterson then makes a mad dash to another department to ensure that the tunnel is blown.
When the Curt, Dana and Holden almost make it...out the tunnel...it blows.  Forcing them to reverse and go back.  They talk for a minute and giving Curt the idea to jump with his dirt bike to get to the other side and get help.  As he does, Curt manages to hit the invisible force field and plummets to his death. Dana starts to think of what Marty was raving about.
Holden and Dana get back in "The Rambler" and try to find another way out of there.  In the midst of Holden trying to bring Dana back from the brink of loosing it in that classic horror movie style of "no matter what, we need to stick together" he gets a nice gash to the throat.  Causing Dana to scream frantically and "The rambler" crashing into the lake.
Back in the lab, Stitterson, Lin and Hadley all are having a drink.  Truman is confused with Dana still being alive. Hadley tells Truman that the virgin is last and optional for the ritual...but all that matters is that she suffers and that she did.  As Hadley starts to show a softer side, he is interrupted when his fellow coworkers come in to celebrate.  One of the Buckners finds Dana and starts to torment her.
Stitterson goes to the other department and tells them that they did give him a scare.  Which they inform him of some news that there was a power-reroute to upstairs.  And the ominous red phone rings.  Leading the Technicians to realize that something had gone wrong in the ritual and someone has survived.  We see Marty save Dana from the Buckner and run with her to the grave.  Where it leads to the underground cube.  They get in the cube and are moved around the stable and seeing all the monsters.

The Technicians are frantically looking for them.  Dana sees this Pinhead looking demon holding a round ball, the same ball that Curt was playing with.  She flips out with knowing that they made them chose how they died.  Lin comes in and informs that the clean up crew didn't give all the drug induced weed to Marty and what ever he is smoking has made him immune.  Hadley doesn't care because he is trying to find them and is ordering someone to shoot "the Fool" first but if they get a clear shot of "The Virgin" to take her out as well, but "The Fool" had to go first.
Dana and Marty overhear the voice of the Director {{Sigourney Weaver}} informing them about how things should have gone.  But Dana is angry and releases the "Purge" button releasing the army of nightmares upon the facility.  We see a variety of creatures come out and kill the employees.  Dana and Marty try to get away from the army of nightmares.  Hadley had gotten his wish in seeing a Merman, but in the old age saying be careful what you wish for.  The Merman ate him.
When Dana and Marty reach beneath the facility and see the stone markings on the wall.  It all starts to make sense.  The Director comes up and further explains the ritual to them and how they have to die.  The Whore {{Jules}} is corrupt, she has to die first. The Athlete {{Curt}}, The Scholar {{Holden}}, The Fool {{Marty}} and last is the Virgin {{Dana}}...the virgin death is determined by fate to live or die.
Dana questions the fact that she is not a virgin.  The Director shrugs and says that they use what they have to work with.  She further explains to them that the "Ancient Ones" are Giant Gods that use to roam this earth.  and it's their job to keep them in eternal slumber or everyone on earth would suffer.  Each culture has a different way, but they all have failed. 
Marty objects to him dying and Dana points the gun at him.  She apologizes to Marty and Marty aslo apologizes, but Dana gets mauled by a werewolf.  Marty saves her by shooting the werewolf away.  Dana lays on the ground bleeding, where the Director takes that chance to try and kill Marty. Patience Buckner shows up and kills the Director with the axe to the head.  Marty pushes them over the edge.
Marty goes over to Dana and asks how she is feeling.  Dana informs him that she is fading.  They smoke some weed and discuss that Curt more likely doesn't have a cousin.  And then they discuss how awesome it would be to see Giant Evil Gods.  The facility starts shaking and a giant hand pops out of the ground destroying the cabin and slam....the red lettering of Cabin in the woods....

~Production Notes~
Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy and of such great films as Serenity, helped co-write the script with Cloverfield screenwriter Drew Goddard. With a budget estimated over $30 million that began filming in March 2009 and ended in May 2009.   Whedon's goals was trying to reawaken the horror genre, since a lot of it has gone to almost to a horror torture porn. 

~Final Thoughts~

I love horror movies and yes, the lot of them with the need to have an abundant amounts of sex in it...almost feels like the snuff film.  Torture, porn, nudity and people like this.  People have removed the classic ambiance and replaced it with torment and sex.  I can say it's fine in some cases, but not all the time.  People have become jaded with the fact that there is not enough torture in a movie...to way too much torment and torture.  In Cabin in the Woods...really gave us insight to the age old horror formula...."The System"...and we see the System has been in place and it would be awesome that all these horror stories are to placate Ancient Gods that need torment and suffering to keep them in eternal slumber or we would be destroyed.  It's original and witty and some of the one-liners are awesome.  Something that movies are suppose to be.  I know this movie had mixed reviews, but it is something I would own in my library to watch over and over...and I would pick this film over any of the Saw films and that says a lot.  Cabin in the woods has some classic horror elements in it...that made it predictable and in a way...it was classic predictability that was like comfort food for the horror soul.  

~Ratings~

~Hellz Writer~