Film Review: Cabin in the Woods {{2012}}

Horror movies are great especially with the twist.  I love the commercials when I saw Cabin in the woods. It wasn't your average horror movie that keeps repeating itself.  I had to give it a chance.

Cabin in the Woods

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~

Opening credits begin with scenes of old pictures of sacrifices through out the history of man, leading into seeing two coworkers, Gary Sitterson {{Richard Jenkins}} and Steve Hadley {{Bradley Whitford}} talking about Hadley's wife baby proofing his home as they are going through the whole fertility process. The way it opens is different, just two people doing their job while talking about the boring mundane parts of their lives.  A fellow coworker, Wendy Lin {{Amy Acker}}comes from behind them reporting that another location has gone south.  They converse with each other and talk about how a scenario went south due to Chems department fault.  Which gives some seriousness of their job.  While Stitterson and Hadley joke it off and not to worry that they know what they are doing.
As Hadley is talking to Stitterson about coming over to liberate his cabinets....Hadley realizes that Stitterson is ignoring him.  Slapping on the old school credits.  Nothing fancy, just big bold red letters of Cabin in the woods.
Next we see college student Dana Polk {{Kristen Connolly}} packing.  She grabs her sketchbook and opens it up to a profile of a man.  Her friend & roommate Jules Louden {{Anna Hutchison}}, tears the picture out causing Dana noticing her newly dyed blonde hair.  Jules rips the picture out and gives that whole she wants her friend to get laid this weekend.  Dana informs Jules that is not what she is insisting upon.  Jules places this bikini in her bag and takes out books and tells her that this is suppose to be a fun weekend and no more learning.
Jules boyfriend Curt Vaughan {{Chris Hemsworth}} enters the room by throwing a football.  The girls move out of the way, while the football flies out the window and is caught by Holden McCrea {{Jesse Williams}}, the other college student that Curt and Jules are setting Dana up with.
The friends are all geared up to go to this cabin that Curt's cousin bought and putting their things into an RV called "The Rambler".  Which their fifth and final friend Marty Miklaski {{Fran Kranz}} shows up with a thermal coffee bong. They all debate about bringing the giant bong in "the Rambler", but Marty transforms it back down to the thermal coffee mug.  Everyone gets excited about leaving and they head out.  On the top of the house as "The Rambler" drives off is an agent informing that "the nest was empty"
Back to the work place.  Stitterson and Hadley is greeted by a security officer Daniel Truman {{Brian White}, who is very military strict.  Hadley and Stitterson tries to joke with Truman. They also ask if Truman knows what's going on and that being informed is different than being prepared.
It moves over to the friends in "The Rambler"  and they are bantering about society like everyone of us does.  The group ends up at this old gas station to get gas and ask for directions.  Seemingly typical for every horror movie.  The old guy is very rude to the group and the group leaves.  Headed to the cabin.
We return to Stitterson and Hadley globally locating their subjects.  And we see them drive through a tunnel where a beautiful hawk or falcon is flying and crashes into an electronic invisible force field...killing it.  But the group is unawares of it.
The group ends up at the Buckner place or according to Curt, his newly bought cousins country home.  The team looks the place over.  Settling in.
The technicians have the vitals and stats of the five registered and Lin informs them of how they are making Jules dumb with her hair dye that is seeping gradually through the head...giving the old age comedy of dumb blonde, but they are wanting to increase libido giving the fuel to horny dumb blonde in typical horror movie scenarios.  There is a room change and they also inform other technicians that Holden and Dana did a room change.
The friends have fun in the water, being the typical young college students. Where they go back to the control room.  Truman is fairly disgusted with what he is seeing on the actions of Stitterson and Hadley.  Finding out they are betting on the demise of the five friends.  Hadley and Stitterson tries to explain to Truman about the actions of free will and how it's all part of the system.  How there is a harbinger of doom...warning the group, but it's the choice to ignore him or abide by his warnings and turn back home.  How the friends need to choose their demise by the collection of monsters in their stables.
The friends all get into the whole roles in their chemically induced alter egos.  They play a game of Truth or Dare...where Jules shows off that whorish personality...when it comes to Dana, she also picks dare...and the technicians slam the cellar door open.  Where in every horror movie, they all say it's the wind and everyone seems to agree in the group leaving the audience to be "are you fucking kidding me?"...which gave Marty that everybody feel.  He found it to be a bit odd, but everyone ignored him because he was on the reefer.
Dana goes down stairs on the dare and screams when she sees a portrait of a girl.  The rest of the friends come downstairs and examine the items.
Each person grabs an item and starts to play with it.  Dana grabs everyone's attention with an old diary of Patience Buckner, whose family was consumed with their own religion of pain. Inside is an incantation in Latin and everyone knows to not read the Latin.  Marty hears a voice whispering to read and it sort of fuels the whole reason of why anyone would want to read that.  Curt acts very macho with pushing Marty away about being a baby when he tries to stop Dana.  Causing the Buckner zombie family to be unleashed.
In the control room, maintenance wins the betting pool of who would be conjured. Zombie redneck torture family....which Stitterson has to explain to another technician about the differences of regular zombies and these kind.
We go back to the kids as they watch Jules do a very sultry dance.  Marty is sitting there a bit confused as is Dana.  Marty tries to give them his theory but Curt whisks Jules outside for some alone time.  Marty tries to talk to Dana about his paranoid rantings of what is going on.  Yet, one moment is his coherent in his rants and the next he is talking like a regular pothead.
Inside the lab, the technicians are dealing with the technical aspects of temperature control to create the right mood for the right aspect.  As Jules and Curt are about to get it on.  Truman scowls at the fact that Stitterson and Hadley request to see Jules breasts.  Stitterson and Hadley explain to Truman that they are not the only ones watching this and they need to keep their customers happy.
Jules and Curt are enjoying themselves when the Buckners come in and stab Jules in the hand.  Curt gets off and tries to help when he is stabbed in the shoulder.  Jules is taken a good distance away from Curt and he watches in horror as they behead her.  In the lab, they make a prayer and destroy a vial of blood that goes through the cracks of a symbol of a woman on a wall.
In Marty's room, he is reading a book and hears a whisper of a woman saying what he needs to do.  Marty flips out and in the end...announces that he is going for a walk, the exact words the voices the said.  Marty passes Dana and Holden and informs her that Holden has a "husband bulge"...one of the funniest lines of the movie. Dana is acting like a complete virgin and even had caught herself from how she was speaking. Marty goes outside and realizes there is no stars outside.  Curt bumps into him and tells him to get back inside.  Curt slams a zombie girl to the ground.
Curt and Marty go inside and Holden grabs Curt and tries to control him.  Dana is wondering where Jules is and wants to go outside....where one of the Buckners is standing and throws something at Dana who catches it and sees it's Jules head.  She screams and Curt runs and pushes the door close.  All the friends push the door close keeping the Buckners out.
Curt at first tells the group that they need to barracked themselves in and stick together.  Hadley gets upset, but Stitterson uses some gas and puts Curt to say that he was wrong and the group should split up and cover more ground.  The only one that doesn't agree is Marty.  Before he can say anything else...one of the Buckners bust through.  Curt putting on the alpha male..tells everyone to run to their room.
Where the lab seals them all shut in their.  Marty flips out and accidentally drops a lamp on the ground and sees a hidden camera and pulls the wire.  He sits down by the window thinking he is on a reality TV show.  Hadley rushes to call Chem department to pump some chemical in his room, but Stitterson stops him and informs him that another Buckner is on his way.
Holden, Dana and Curt manage to get out of the house and into "The Rambler", but after informing Dana that Marty is gone.  They do what everyone has always thought of when they watch a horror movie...and get the hell out of there.  Lin yells at Hadley and finds out that the tunnel has not blown.  Stitterson then makes a mad dash to another department to ensure that the tunnel is blown.
When the Curt, Dana and Holden almost make it...out the tunnel...it blows.  Forcing them to reverse and go back.  They talk for a minute and giving Curt the idea to jump with his dirt bike to get to the other side and get help.  As he does, Curt manages to hit the invisible force field and plummets to his death. Dana starts to think of what Marty was raving about.
Holden and Dana get back in "The Rambler" and try to find another way out of there.  In the midst of Holden trying to bring Dana back from the brink of loosing it in that classic horror movie style of "no matter what, we need to stick together" he gets a nice gash to the throat.  Causing Dana to scream frantically and "The rambler" crashing into the lake.
Back in the lab, Stitterson, Lin and Hadley all are having a drink.  Truman is confused with Dana still being alive. Hadley tells Truman that the virgin is last and optional for the ritual...but all that matters is that she suffers and that she did.  As Hadley starts to show a softer side, he is interrupted when his fellow coworkers come in to celebrate.  One of the Buckners finds Dana and starts to torment her.
Stitterson goes to the other department and tells them that they did give him a scare.  Which they inform him of some news that there was a power-reroute to upstairs.  And the ominous red phone rings.  Leading the Technicians to realize that something had gone wrong in the ritual and someone has survived.  We see Marty save Dana from the Buckner and run with her to the grave.  Where it leads to the underground cube.  They get in the cube and are moved around the stable and seeing all the monsters.

The Technicians are frantically looking for them.  Dana sees this Pinhead looking demon holding a round ball, the same ball that Curt was playing with.  She flips out with knowing that they made them chose how they died.  Lin comes in and informs that the clean up crew didn't give all the drug induced weed to Marty and what ever he is smoking has made him immune.  Hadley doesn't care because he is trying to find them and is ordering someone to shoot "the Fool" first but if they get a clear shot of "The Virgin" to take her out as well, but "The Fool" had to go first.
Dana and Marty overhear the voice of the Director {{Sigourney Weaver}} informing them about how things should have gone.  But Dana is angry and releases the "Purge" button releasing the army of nightmares upon the facility.  We see a variety of creatures come out and kill the employees.  Dana and Marty try to get away from the army of nightmares.  Hadley had gotten his wish in seeing a Merman, but in the old age saying be careful what you wish for.  The Merman ate him.
When Dana and Marty reach beneath the facility and see the stone markings on the wall.  It all starts to make sense.  The Director comes up and further explains the ritual to them and how they have to die.  The Whore {{Jules}} is corrupt, she has to die first. The Athlete {{Curt}}, The Scholar {{Holden}}, The Fool {{Marty}} and last is the Virgin {{Dana}}...the virgin death is determined by fate to live or die.
Dana questions the fact that she is not a virgin.  The Director shrugs and says that they use what they have to work with.  She further explains to them that the "Ancient Ones" are Giant Gods that use to roam this earth.  and it's their job to keep them in eternal slumber or everyone on earth would suffer.  Each culture has a different way, but they all have failed. 
Marty objects to him dying and Dana points the gun at him.  She apologizes to Marty and Marty aslo apologizes, but Dana gets mauled by a werewolf.  Marty saves her by shooting the werewolf away.  Dana lays on the ground bleeding, where the Director takes that chance to try and kill Marty. Patience Buckner shows up and kills the Director with the axe to the head.  Marty pushes them over the edge.
Marty goes over to Dana and asks how she is feeling.  Dana informs him that she is fading.  They smoke some weed and discuss that Curt more likely doesn't have a cousin.  And then they discuss how awesome it would be to see Giant Evil Gods.  The facility starts shaking and a giant hand pops out of the ground destroying the cabin and slam....the red lettering of Cabin in the woods....

~Production Notes~
Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy and of such great films as Serenity, helped co-write the script with Cloverfield screenwriter Drew Goddard. With a budget estimated over $30 million that began filming in March 2009 and ended in May 2009.   Whedon's goals was trying to reawaken the horror genre, since a lot of it has gone to almost to a horror torture porn. 

~Final Thoughts~

I love horror movies and yes, the lot of them with the need to have an abundant amounts of sex in it...almost feels like the snuff film.  Torture, porn, nudity and people like this.  People have removed the classic ambiance and replaced it with torment and sex.  I can say it's fine in some cases, but not all the time.  People have become jaded with the fact that there is not enough torture in a movie...to way too much torment and torture.  In Cabin in the Woods...really gave us insight to the age old horror formula...."The System"...and we see the System has been in place and it would be awesome that all these horror stories are to placate Ancient Gods that need torment and suffering to keep them in eternal slumber or we would be destroyed.  It's original and witty and some of the one-liners are awesome.  Something that movies are suppose to be.  I know this movie had mixed reviews, but it is something I would own in my library to watch over and over...and I would pick this film over any of the Saw films and that says a lot.  Cabin in the woods has some classic horror elements in it...that made it predictable and in a way...it was classic predictability that was like comfort food for the horror soul.  

~Ratings~

~Hellz Writer~

Film Review: Mediatrix ((2011}}

There is something about Indie films that just screams "Watch me".  Of course I have been following Cory J. Udler's trail of bread crumbs since 2009.  There is the saying believe in your friends to see them soar about it all...well maybe that's my saying.  Of course, when I heard about this project I would have loved to participated in a grander scope than doing a film review, but Cory being the sweetheart wanted me to care for my young child.  It's a treat for me to being able to review this.....

Mediatrix

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~

It opens with  "This is all true".
Granted opening up with a Wyatt {{ Matt Ukena}} and Mary Ann {{Paula Duerksen}} having sex while the there is suppose to be a seance down.  Mary Ann and her mother {{Heather Renken}} exchange words about her lifestyle. We get a little flash back on what happened to little Mary Ann which led her becoming a whore as an adult. 
The filming is a cross between old 70's, 80's and some 90's.  Mary Ann...does the whole helping of the lost soul, but steals her ID.  8-weeks later, she decides to fake a pregnancy and even extortion money from poor patsy Wyatt.  You sort of feel sorry for him being duped into thinking he fathered a child.
Mary Ann tells her mother that she has been called by the spirits and leaves.  She taunts a Hobo,  but goes stays with Carrie {{Kaylee Williams}} and William Brackett {{Michael Katzenberger}}, where she deceives Carrie by cutting into her hands making her believe she has the Stigmata.  Carrie calls Father Foster {{Tom Lodewyck}} and informs him about Mary.
Strange as it is that Brackett's don't mind Mary doing her drugs, till you find out that William is having sex with Mary Ann.  It got a bit confusing that there was another house guest or was there??  Despite that they appear to be religious, the two ladies staying in the room are smoking, doing drugs and so forth.
The Brackett get a couple of uncalled visitors while they are gone....where Stu {{Greg Johnson}} and Gabriel {{Joe Hollow}} come rummaging through the house.  Stu looks like he can be easily swayed with his mental problems.  Mary has them do a little deal for drugs or sex, which you can tell or assume that they went with deal number 2.
Mary starts to show her devious side when she gives William a heart attack by combining drugs.  Gabriel and Stu show up.  Carrie has basically lost her mind because she believes her husband was a nonbeliever and was struck down giving Mary Ann all legal duties to her home.  Granted you still don't really understand about the other woman, who happens to be the Virgin Mary {{Shannon Lark}} is a delusion that Mary Ann sees.  It got a bit confusing if she was an illusion or if she was sharing the room as a living being.
Mary has Stu have sex with Carrie and making her believe that it was the Angel Michael and she will be given birth to the new messiah.  Father Foster  is told that Carrie has been given the savior of the world since her husband has been in a coma state as a vegetable.  Mary Ann has started to gather a following and made many people believe that she giving the world the divine word.
Father Foster knows the truth and hires someone to help him to expose her.  Granted Stu and Gabriel have become her devoted followers doing her every bidding.  When it is time, they kill William just before they reveal to him that Mary Ann had planned for him to see all the her plans come to fruition.  Father Foster and his reporter friend {{Andy Schatner}} show up and get caught.  Granted the reporter gets killed off and Father Foster gets his face bashed by Mary Ann...and I am serious this is one sick bitch.



At the end, Gabriel hands her a little baby boy.  Which makes me believe there is going to be a part 2.   


~Production Notes~
Written Paula Duerksen and Cory J. Udler.  Directed by Cory J. Udler.  Mediatrix is the 3rd film by Shalenn Productions.  Even though Mediatrix has been estimated at $150,000 it was actually shot around $6,000.  The most expensive movie that Cory has yet filmed to date.

 ~Ask the Director~ 

Hellz Writer: You have mentioned that this was based on a true story. What inspired you to write about it??

Cory: The inspiration came from and IDS2 shoot with Paula Duerksen, she played the hooker that Greg Johnson butchers in a bathroom. She's from Oklahoma, we have been friends for a while, and we wanted to get her into the movie. She was phenomenal. I wanted to take her on a cool tour of weird Wisconsin stuff, so I took her to Plainfield to see all the Ed Gein stuff, and then to the Mediatrix of Peace shrine in Necedah. On the way back we started to talk about how that story would make a great exploitation movie, and we put some of the pieces together and a year later we shot it.

Hellz Writer: What drives you to write/direct films that are considered "Controversy"?

Cory: I've always loved doing creative things. I've been in radio, done music, writing, television, pro wrestling. And ever since I was like 12 or 13 I've wanted to make a "weird" movie. So, when I went back to school in my late 20's, I discovered filming and editing and that was that. What really inspired me to make the kind of movies I make was a show called "The Incredibly Strange Film Show" hosted by Jonathan Ross. It was a cable show that featured Ted V Mikels, HG Lewis, John Waters, Ed Wood, etc. It was an hour long feature and I fell in complete love with it. To this day those are still my favorite filmmakers.

Hellz Writer: What future works are in stored deep within??

Cory: Currently I am working on a short called "Ed Gein: DDS" starring Judith O'Dea from Night of the Living Dead. It's a short film that'll be part of a larger feature film called "Hole In The Wall" featuring work from Derrick Carey and Frank Anderson. Don't know when that'll be out, but probably year's end or early next year. And I am shooting IDS Rising, which is the Incest Death Squad prequel/sequel. Hoping to premiere that in October. I am also working with Ted V Mikels on our 3rd script together, this one, tentatively is called "Paranormal Extremes: text messages from the dead", and it's going to be wild. That's a dream come true, writing with Ted and calling Ted a friend. And my next film project won't be until next year, and I know exactly what it is, but I don't want to talk too much about it until I have a script!

~Final Thoughts~
I have seen Cory's films and I must say that they do get more twisted and bizarre by the moment, but at least the filmmaking has gotten better and better with each passing movie.  It's a learn process, but this one surely bites the "What the fuck" bullet.  I had to watch the damn thing 3-times to make sense of it.  It gets into your head as if you are seeing the Virgin Mary as an actual being or as an illusion.  I don't know but I think I am in need of some serious fucking therapy after this.  There was minor flaws to it, but I think for the budget and so forth it is only understandable.

You may purchase his movie on his website



~Ratings~
Each film is rated individually

~Hellz Writer~

Film Review: Arachnoquake {{2012}}

I have always hated spider movies.  Just because of my dreaded fear of them.  So naturally my eyes perked when I saw these commercials on SYFY of these strange spiders....curiosity got me....

Arachnoquake

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~
Opening up on New Orleans with some men laughing and joking about aliens and such.  There is a mention about another earthquake and someone had gotten bitten.  Well...I think it's strange to see some weird looking spider go into  an egg crate.
Starting off with some bad digital effects of a fissure in the ground. The guy that was bitten has some serious bubble action and out pops another spider.  Naturally if something pops out of your back, it's best to squish it, but again...where would be the fun in that.  So the guy falls into the big scary fissure and the little spider jumps in.  Cue the opening credits....
We get introduced to the rest of the characters and their "issues", Paul {{Bug Hall}} being late for work. His dad, Roy {{Ethan Phillips}}and sister, Petra {{Olivia Hardt}} talking about how much of a screw up he is.    A coach Charlie Blackwell {{Edward Furlong}} needing to take his girls home and can't find his assistant. His family wanted a tour and he tells them to go.  Katylenn {{Tracy Gold}} and her children Annabel {{Megan Adelle}}l and Justin {{Skyy Moore}}leave.  We come back to Paul who meets Glen {{Lucky Johnson}} and his Wife Tina {{Tiara Gathright}}, Gramps {{Grant James}}and the Blackwells...With some minor banter go on in the tour bus.  They stop at another fissure.  Paul looks and everyone gets off the bus.
One of the kids grab one of the spiders with her cup.  Granted mom is an 8th grade biology teacher and tells them that the spider is blind.  Everyone makes the pathetic jokes about it being blind.  Paul returns telling everyone to get on the bus, where the classic "there's a creature on the shoulder" point and gawk.  Which I found pathetic when Paul wearing boots can not seem to squash the spider and instead heads towards the fissure.  Yet...Gramps is able to putt it away with his cane
To heighten things...we find giant spiders climbing on top of the tour bus.  They all banter about spiders not eating people. While Paul fills up for gas.  Humorous side is when the dumb ass Paul ponders why 911 is busy.  Really???  Everyone gets herded into the store where the attendant gets his neck blown out by a baby spider.  Everyone freaks out and eventually kill off all the baby spiders in the store.
There is a lot of questions that arise when film fests judges talk about realism. I don't care how old you are but when you are in a school bus, there is no dancing around.  Since we know the assistant coach is sick, but the coach knows to tell his girls about discipline.  Especially if these girls are athletes.....
At the store the spiders take out the older man.  Yes, stand there allowing this giant spider to get on you and suck out your fluids.  Yes, that would be wonderful especially when the spider is blind...oh boy.  Returning back that the tour bus goes back into New Orleans.  Yes, smart move.
Glen yells at Paul about going down a different road.  The police are now shooting the spiders, where the father is having some serious trust issues that Pal could be responsible since he is a major screw up.  Dad figures out that there is giant spiders out there. A bus accident that some how no one can get the bus out of.  Seriously if you are going to crash a bus, the bus crashes.  Everyone flies forward.....
Glen tries that "I'm a bad ass gangsta" and gets eaten.  {{yawns}} typical!!  Everyone runs back to the boat.  Back at the bus, they all are getting their bats to see what this thing is.  The spider proves to show off some flame.  Which the poorly sound effect of the creature flying in the air and exploding.
In the bus, the girls are worried about the spiders.  You can see that the bus isn't busted up.  Yet, the smoke is pouring out.  Tina has a melt down on the boat and no one seems to be able to throw back the girl off the boat allowing her to just push the throttle.  Even then they get into an accident.  Yeah believable when you still are aiming straight, that way you can get into an accident.
I was glad when Tina was eaten.  Yet the father tries to divert the spiders and when he tripped...his feet latches on to the branch.  The dad gets burned by the spiders who have flame thrower capabilities.  Of course when the spider comes at them...Paul is holding a shot gun and yet cringes in fear.  Come on pussy ass shoot!!!
At the bus the girls are having a near melt down.  Here comes the Calvary and you can see that their cars are just rental Hummers. The group is walking and come across the three men from the start of the film.  Mrs Blackwell talks about capturing one of the things to figure out to kill them.  Coach Blackwell is determined to save his wife even telling the military off in a way.
Jean Jaques and his two dumb asses help capture a spider.  Which as it is stupid that they tried to come up with some logical explanations about this creature and it lays it's eggs into flesh.  Nice, but there should at least be more young coming out.  Everyone freaks out and scatters because the "dumb" spiders have made around their team
A simple taking of Mrs. Blackwell gets everyone in a huff.  Anabell went after Mrs. Blackwell and Roy dies while his sister is taken as well.  Jean Jaques takes Justin away.  Paul finds Annabell at the boat as she runs back into the woods ignoring Paul.
Here the climatic, let's save the poor bastards that the spiders took.  Annabell and Paul jump down a hole and head to the big scary lair of the spiders..  Paul finds his sister and removes her from the spider webbing that looks so much like the cheap Halloween store kind.  Granted if you are in a spider lair....save the bloody questions till after you get out.  Or any emotional break downs.

They all figure out that the queen is the brain for the hive.  Kill the queen...every spider looses it's drone-ness or what ever.  Everyone runs from the massive queen and head back to the boat.  Where they all depend on one guy to push the boat back.....yeah...nice.  They manage to get the boat moving and here comes the giant queen.
Jean Jaques and his son get back to the military.  Mr. Blackwell finds out the bad information. Back at the boat, Kaitlyn dies. Paul figures it would be best to prove her theory correct.  He suits up and starts the anticlimactic ending.  The one thing thing I find funny is that when Paul is running and starts shooting with his shot gun.  Seriously...the giant spider is close to 2-miles away and the shot gun is going to do something??  Especially when the spider skeleton is suppose to super tough.
Jean Jaques tries to get on the action and shoots the bazooka which the miliatary allow him to get away with it. I noticed several errors in the filmmaking and story telling.  Jean Jaques and Paul get taken up to the web.  Paul manages to go inside the Queen going for the gas bladder. All the spiders seem to be dying all over the city.  The slacker manages to save the city....
The ending was funny where the spider in the cup implodes...



~Production Notes~
An Active Entertainment, which has recently expanded its Lafayette-to-Baton Rouge production footprint to include a New Orleans office, is feeding the Syfy beast of weekly movies about unlikely beasts.Syfy movie productions usually run for about a million dollars a piece.Active Entertainment has more in the pipeline that they will be producing for Syfy


~Final Thoughts~
I understand that they films try to explore different creatures.  Sometimes even just do things because it sounds cool.  Yes, albino blind spiders is interesting, but what the hell will the flame thrower serve for them.  In the animal kingdom, you need to remember that in a hive...like ants, bees or even termites...the queen serves as a brain.  Yet with spiders if you are going to have the spiders be able to make more spider babies and what's the need to have a queen??  I can say if she is the brain and all the spiders are connected to her.  Yet nature isn't stupid.  it always creates a back up.  The Queen will have her as a back up in a cocoon just in case she dies.
Well the thing also if you are going to make a weekly movie production,....get the right cars.  Can't get the right car...use digital.  It's not hard to get High School students coming out with more digital graphics experience and even with those students, they can help with a lot of stuff. Shoes...combat isn't tan/brown but black or dark brown issued.  You can find those styles of boot at military surplus stores.  Using digital effects is the cheap way to go for effects, but do them right.


~Ratings~
Film is based on individual movie

~Hellz Writer~

Short Review: Orlock {{2011}}

There is something about Indie movies that hold a bit more passion than the regular movies can produce.  

Orlock

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~
Filmed in the classic 1930's Sephia.  Our film opens a candlelit alter with a skull and as character Amy Smith {Lori Pirone} drinking from a glass.  It gives that feel of the classic film of telling the story through word cards.   It gives the air that Amy has tried this before of calling the mysterious Count Orlock.
Amy grows weary of waiting and heads for bed.  If you ask me, why the hell would any woman wait for a blood sucker, but there is women like Amy that will offer their souls just be one of the undead.  Amy grows tired and removes her little robe and heads to bed.  The cards inform us that it has been hours since she went to bed.  

You was stood up {{just kidding}}

I know I am an evil person and when reading "Why hasn't he come for me?" My response would be that evil whisper in her ear....cause he doesn't like you, but that wouldn't be very nice to Amy.
Count Graf Orlock {Michael Licatese} finally arrives giving off that creepy stalker vibe by looking through the window.  I must say Orlock was very plump, maybe do to all the people he has been eating.  In a very sexual appearance that Orlock has Amy under his vampire control.   She of course allows the vampire to feed on her.  He drains enough of her, but waits to see if she will awaken as a vampire.
There is some comedic undertones to it as she touches herself, her teeth and sees Orlock standing there in her room.  Yet she got her wish as becoming a vampire.
Of course with any natural woman who lost her undead virginity, unable to believe this is real.  Orlock let's her know that she will be living forever but having to feed off people. It does give that people to fantasize about vampires but could you feed off the living?? It could be fruitful until you get staked in the heart by Buffy.  

~Production Notes~
Written & Directed by Kevin Forte.  Forte Films has produced 3-short films and have accumulated their props between the 3-short films worth around $2 grand.  


~Ask the Director~
Hellz Writer:  What inspired you to write about Orlock?

Kevin: My friend who plays Orlock, Michael Licatese, has a Orlock mask and I wanted to make a short film out of it. Plus "Nosferatu" is my favorite silent film of all time. Which is the reason why I filmed it not just in black & white, but silent as well. Many people love the original 1922 horror classic and I knew that this will drawn them in. I wrote the script in one night with no sleep and began filming in May of 2010. It took longer to film due to a change of an actress. In the end I succeeded making this short and I hope to make the sequel soon.

Hellz Writer: Did you find it difficult to produce a short film??

Kevin: It's a big challenge, I'll tell you that. You gotta figure out when to film, having the right cast, and location scouting. I'm still on the verge of getting everything ready for "Last Laugh 2" but having issues there. Getting a budget for an indie project is not easy. I even tried a donation page earlier this year for "Last Laugh 2" and it didn't go so well. But I'm not giving up on it. This is my dream and nothing will get in my way.

Hellz Writer:  Is there any future projects in store for the audience??

Kevin: "Last Laugh 2" for one. Plus I had this idea for years that I wanna film about 4 serial killers talking about their murders while playing poker. I call it "Cards And Death." I wanna actually make that into a full length indie film. Then there's this idea for a weekly horror talk show with me and many other horror fans just discussing about the world of horror today. But the horror web series is the most that I wanna do. For now it's untitled. But It's about two demonic sin reapers name Jared Scrimm and Pandora Craine, who are called by dead souls that can't find peace until the ones that harm them pay for their sins. I have more ideas in the making. But those three ideas are my top ones.

You may find films directed by Kevin Forte:
Youtube channel
Forte Films


~Final Thoughts~
The short film has been a very cute tale told through the classic filming.  No speech, word cards, jumpy film, Sepia tones and of course the women wishing to be vampires.  In the start of the film, you see candles and a skull and are giving the illusion of the 1930 film set up till there was signs of modernization.  There is no major gore, but yet it was refreshing because too many people have nailed for over amounts of gore.  Yes, the short keeps you glued to it because of the word cards, forcing you to use your senses instead of relying on hearing.  It was well-done. 

~Rating~
Rating system is based on individual movies.

~Hellz Writer~

Film Review: Dylan Dog: Dead of Night {{2011}}

I am a sucker for dark comedies.  It's something about them that just screams funny in a demented sort of way.  I have been a fan of Brandon Routhe and there is times that he reminds me of Christopher Reeves with the way he talks and facial expressions.  Then there is Sam Hunington, I love how he portrayed a werewolf in "Being Human".  There is something about this actor that screams adorable puppy-dog.  Brandon and Sam have worked together before in Superman Returns.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

~~Warning Spoilers Ahead~~
The movie opens with a nice upbeat music.Based in New Orleans, Louisiana where you see a big white house. Inside the house is a woman, Elizabeth Ryan {{Anita Briem}}making dinner for her father and herself.  Naturally and cliche something bad happens to daddy.  Elizabeth runs upstairs and a big hairy monster crashes through the window.  My thing is who the hell has that many stuffed animals in a house?? Nice way to start a movie.  At least the werewolf didn't look like a carpet creature.
It moves on to the swooning voice of Dylan Dog {{Brandon Routhe}}giving a narration.  The once appointed Detective of the undead is now doing the dirty private investigator where cheating husbands pay handsomely.  Seriously if you get paid really well....why the hell do you have a shitty office.  The bubbly Marcus Deckler {{Sam Huntington}}comes in trying to give business advice to Dylan.
Yes, I love the charisma of the two, but the cliche of the Anti-hero dealing with something from his past where his little quirky and comedic relief side kick trying to bring him back into the world of the living or sort of speaks.  Marcus tells Dylan about a woman that calls him.  Moving along to Elizabeth where she tells Dylan about the mysterious beast that killed her father.  Dylan is reluctant to take the job resulting in a minor disagreement between him and Marcus.
A little more narration and it shows "Corpus House", the main vampire headquarters where they are peddling vampire blood as a drug.  Vargas {{Taye Diggs}} is informed about the recent murder and that they caught wind of the heart.  Oh that sounds ominous.  Back at the office Marcus is apologizing for over stepping his bounds.  Granted Marcus meets an untimely end.  Forcing Dylan to take the case.
He returns to Elizabeth's house and explains to her that the creature that killed her father was a werewolf, more than ever a female werewolf.  He explains to her about the werewolf hairs and stuff.  Somewhat tedious, but he is being thorough.  In his study he finds out that it's part of Gabriel Cysnos {{Peter Stormare}}clan.  So he goes over there to investigate.  Dylan gets in a bit of a tiff with Gabriel's son Wolfgang {{Kurt Angle}}and I will say that the CGI of the face was pretty bad.  Of course naturally Dylan uses silver to whoop Wolfgang's ass. And yet he finds a lead to Gabriel's daughter.
Dylan finds a very dead lead.  He reports back to Elizabeth, who seems to be hiding the secret that her father was a collector of sorts.   Granted the vampires ambush Elizabeth's house.
I understand that movies are needed to keep the pace.  If the vampires had ambushed Elizabeth's house before Dylan got there.  Naturally all the investigations happen more at night.  Oh come on!! Of course with any movie...either it be anit-hero or not.  They seem to rescue the girl, but of course Dylan has some one-liners and quirky ways of rescuing.
Dylan and Elizabeth have a talk about the creatures and how he was appointed to be the neutral party in protecting both the undead and the living.  Elizabeth seems to be curious and at the same time cautious about how she ended up in this world. For me as a writer, there is something funny about Elizabeth
Dylan figures that the thing that killed Gabriel's daughter and Marcus was a huge zombie.  Dylan had a hunch and finds out that Marcus turns into a zombie.  Granted I love the zombies in this movie.  They are able to talk and crack jokes.  It makes you wonder who is a talking zombie and who is a homeless loser....lol.  Dylan takes his friend, Marcus to a body shop to get some work done, since he is missing an arm.
Big Al informs Dylan about a monster hunter and warns Dylan to be careful.  The plot gets thicker as the Vampires are wanting to this heart that the werewolf managed to kill off this guy for.  Dylan explains to Marcus that he is a zombie.  Marcus is the comedic relief in this movie.  It is funny to see him deal with this whole undead thing.
The story does keep a single pace where Dylan gets closer to finding the truth.  I love the big ass zombie, granted I think they could have done a bit better with the effects.  Kind of like Mike Tyson of zombies.  Dylan goes chasing more dead-end leads....literally since they are undead....lol.  Where Marcus gives more comic relief over his zombie state.  I think throughout this entire movie.  Marcus trying to cope with being an undead was the best part.
The closer Dylan gets trying to find who killed Marcus and Elizabeth's father...the more he gets tangled into the world he tried to leave behind.  Yet, it was proven to be a great weave as far as a supernatural detective, comedy should go.  Dylan goes to an old friend, Borelli {{Marco St. John}}, who gives him a history lesson about this heart. We finally find out the big ass, Mike Tyson zombie is being controlled by some vampire blood.  There is more to the story as it unfolds.
Dylan is led to believe that it's someone else.  Sort of  making him an irrational and overly emotional detective.  Granted the obvious cliche is that the antihero gets too close and puts himself in danger.  Which we find our that Elizabeth is a monster hunter.....oh oh!!  In a way, you had to see that coming.  She changes Vargas in Belial.  This is where I became disappointed in the movie.  If you can hire several awesome actors for this movie and yet your CGI looks like crap...come on!!  The CGI crap is the biggest beef I have with this movie.  The practical effects were decent, and yet they couldn't get the monster in the suit looking right??  I think they could have done that and put the creature on a wire or something.  Hell....Jeepers Creepers 2 had better winged effects.
I did find certain parts of this movie to be funny.  Alright only the Marcus parts were funny and I did love the one liners that was given to Dylan.  Overall, I am hoping that they will do a sequel just to see what they do.


~~Production Notes~~
Based on the comic by Tiziano Sclavi and written by Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer. Directed by Kevin Munroe. The film was produced by several independent film companies Hyde Park Entertainment, Platinum Studios and Omnilab Media.  It's budget was $20 million dollars and only grossed $4 million dollars worldwide. Not good if you ask me.  Especially with the digital effects being pretty choppy on Belial and Wolfgang.

~Overall rating~
based on the fact that they tried to market it as an Indie and yet...I smelled big budget like $20 million. 





~Hellz Writer~

Trailer Review: Wrath of the Titans

So as I was watching face Off yesterday, something caught my eye right after the Immortals commercial for the movie now on DVD. Well as I was cleaning my room, I noticed the same commercial that caught my eye.  The newest installment to the sequels that seem to be drooled out of Hollywood.  Granted elaborate special digital effects are the craze.
Yet with all these digital effects that seem to dazzle all these people, but whatever happened to actual story telling...the making of a cool ass monster.  I remember when the Original Clash of the Titans came out. There was no fucking talk about man not believing in their Gods.  In fact if these fucking morons realized...that in all the religions....there Gods were important to them.
Even in Greek mythology there was an un-named God that had no figure.  So all the ancient times, they believed in their Gods.  It's the man of today that want to bring their Gods down.  They tear apart things and causing war with everything in their life.  Zeus, Odin, Ra, God or any other Head God was looked at mysterious and they do things in mysterious ways.  Despite what was going on in their life...they had faith in something other than themselves. It brought them through the hardest times.

Today's man has to change the story even though it was a great story told in mythological times. The son of Zeus saving the beautiful princess and saving his fellow man.  He marries the princess and lives happily ever after....but no...stupid morons that have a problem with their Gods or even religion in that retrospect decide to butcher a classic and tell it their way...the hero has an issue with his father.  At the end of this new telling...he marries someone that was immortal. Okay...crappy ending
Yet as I looked up this new Wrath of the Titans....it has been so-called 10-years and Perseus is now a single father raising a child.  Andromeda is now a Queen.  I mean what the fuck??  How the hell did he end up with someone that was suppose to be a gift to live this mortal life...even bringing her back from the dead, but this bitch lived a long time before that.  Apparently she dies. Now Andromeda is a warrior Queen trying to protect the world because people no longer believe in the Gods.
Seriously!??  10-years before that...the fucking Kraken was destroyed....Hades made it known that the Gods existed and yet...no one believes??  Are they kidding me??  An entire city witnessed...and back in the day...they would believe further into the Gods. Today's man, doesn't believe....you can have this half-god and destroys a monster and brings down the God of Death in the name of his father...and 10-years later...people will be like "eh"....let's not believe.
I think it's bullshit....something so big...and yet...not everyone looses faith in their belief in the Gods enough to release some terrible evils to the world.  The Titans according to mythology wanted to rule the Earth again but Zeus, father of the Gods took his own father down...who was a Titan.  So...hopefully they can actually have a good movie despite the fact there was tons of loop holes and fucking lame endings to their last one.

Wrath of the Titan should be out on March 30th...let's see...high powered action sequences, lots of digital effects and hardly any real story....


~Hellz Writer~

Film Review: Shark Night (2011)

I at times have become a bit of a sucker for shark movies due to Steven Spielberg’s Jaws.  Granted Mr. Spielberg didn’t know much about sharks, because it would be pretty scary to see a massive shark jump out of water to go after its prey.  Sharks are pretty amazing sea creatures and I love shark week.  So, it doesn’t matter how bad it is or what popular actors are in the movie, I want to see it. There has been so many giant creature or flesh eating water creature movies that it does becomes mundane, but it is like sex.  Just because you have done it with someone doesn’t mean that someone can’t do it differently. So naturally I was curious about “Shark Night”-3D

~~Warning spoilers ahead~~

Set in Louisiana, the movie begins with a young woman in the water having some fun at a lake.  Naturally she is not alone and her male companion is horsing around with her and tosses her bathing suit top further away.  The cliché of fetching the bathing suit top when there is no one else out there was a dead give away that she was going to be eaten, especially with the guy mysteriously going back to land.  I mean if you are a guy, why the hell would you take your female friend’s top off and then just swim to shore.  I don’t know, but doesn’t anyone find it a bit odd when they watch the movie.  Of course this guy could be a douche bag/asshole that many women are attracted to.  We can chalk it up to that.

She gets eaten and we are taken to Tulane University campus where we follow Malik (Sinqua Walls), and of course we see a couple of people, Sara (Sara Paxton), Nick (Dustin Milligan), Beth (Katharine McPhee), Maya (Alyssa Diaz), Blake (Chris Zylka) and Gordon (Joel David Moore) enjoying their random studies.  Things come to a story basis when Gordon and Nick are having some banter until Malik barges in and gives his tutor Nick some shit with the assumption that he failed a class.  Another total cliché with the ultimate psyche move and upon learning that he passed the class there is going to be an awesome weekend getaway at the lovely Sara’s lake house.

The seven friends venture forth to the seemingly secluded lake where they stop at a local bait shop where Maya stays outside and is getting harassed by Red (Joshua Leonard). Malik comes out and defends his Latina girlfriend. Red’s friend Dennis (Chris Carmack) comes out and also gets tangled into this stand off.  Till Sara comes out and calms the situation, but you can tell there is something between Dennis and Sara. Everyone leaves to go on their merry little ways.  Sara does this whole bad girl routine with the boat they are on and tries to out run the local water-law enforcements to find out that the Sheriff Sabin (Donal Logue), enjoyed the little chase as he drinks a beer with them. 

Granted another cliché is the local small town sheriff allows the local kids to get away with anything and not the “out of towners”.  I understand with most horror movies, they feel the need to add the same story plot of someone dies in the start of the movie, some bad history with the local people and of course the predictable of what is going to happen next. 

While 3 of the friends stay on land as the other 4 decide to go off and play in the boat with the typical water skiing.  It is always the same thing.  The person is having fun, but when the person calls to them to get them off the water, they all laugh and giggle and ASSume they are joking.  Yes, the “Ass” in assume is bigger because they all make themselves look like asses.  There is the typical accidental mishap and when they finally find Malik who swims to shore with a missing arm. They all do the fucking typical blame game, but Nick is a pre-med student and dives in to the water to search for the arm.  Granted the action-swim sequence when he finds the arm and the shark finds him.  YUM! You can guess what happens…no, Nick doesn’t die, but he out swims the shark. Okay, do people really know how fast sharks swim??
Steven Spielberg didn’t know much about sharks in the 70’s when Jaws came out.  A giant killer man-eater great white is pretty fucking scary back then.  Nobody out swam Jaws.  You was in the water and you was lunch. Simple and that is what sharks are.  The perfect killing machines.  Simplicity at its best.

Naturally there is the typical panicking and the pre-med student, Nick stabilizes Malik.  Yet, the funny thing is that another horror movie cliché is the non-working cell phone.  No one can get reception in the crisis and Sara has no landline to this fabulous family getaway on a salt water lake.  {{Yawns}}.  Nick talks to Sara about there is a man eating shark in the lake and she tells him that there is hurricane gates that lead to the ocean and that possibly can explain how this shark got there.  Yet, in this typical let’s have fun scenario of the whole jet skiing and boat driving there is always the typical “Oh you fucked up” with the first boat ride to the house. Where was the shark at??

They decide to take Malik to the hospital because he only has a few hours so he can attach his arm or remain that way.  Yet, no one seems to realize that sharks are attracted to blood and Malik is bleeding in the boat.  Of course the other typical cliché is that no one sits down in the fucking boat. I mean seriously Sara, Nick, Malik and Maya are in this boat.  Malik just got his arm ripped off by a hungry man eater and people sit on the edge? That is a recipe for disaster.  Blood leaking out, person sitting on the edge of the boat while the boat is driven by panicky people and a hungry shark in the water. 

At this stage of the movie, we have no idea how many actual sharks are out there.  I mean it’s called Shark Night, so I am thinking it’s only one shark.  Shark was back to eat Malik like the whole Captain Hook ordeal. Surprising Maya falls off with a shark pursuing them and well she gets eaten.  They turn to save her, but it’s too late and their boat malfunctions and they go crashing in to the gas pump at the boathouse.  Alarming everyone else on shore. Again there is the story loophole.  The boat was going really fast away from the house and they managed to crash in to the gas pump close to the boathouse?? How odd?? 

They get to shore with the bleeding Malik.  Again, another huge fuck up. How many other sharks were in that area?? How about the one that took Malik’s arm??   That shark would have been on their asses, but it was gone, maybe eating Maya. Finally they get Malik inside and as odd as it is.  Red and Dennis arrive to help them out. Beth and Gordon go with them and on their adventure they find out that Red and Dennis are a couple of evil bastards. Of course they mentioned the hurricane gate and the other ominous version that they had put the sharks there.  Which the sharks didn’t show up, because Dennis and Red had some sort of shark repellant.  Nice!!

Malik finds out that Maya was gone and decides to go find it and kill it in the name of love/revenge/the dead girlfriend.  But what we find out that the shark Malik kills is in fact a Hammer Head, the wrong shark and it has a video camera attached to its belly. So now the assumption is that there is more sharks in the water.  I mean, the water is so murky that we can’t tell if that shark was a Mako, Bull shark, Great White, Thrasher, or a Tiger to name a few in the great blue salt water ocean. Back on the boat, Dennis and Red force Gordon in to the water and naturally he swims away and is able to climb some sort of tree cluster.  And a shark leaps out of the water and plucks him right there.  I thought that was pretty sweet….even though you still have no idea what shark ate him.

Of course the ominous answer of they putting them there seemed a bit strange when they had for the first time seen Cookie Cutter sharks and feed Beth to them.  Yeah, we know she is died.  Granted Blake is too stupid because he puts a now more injured and bleeding Malik on a jet ski to get him to a hospital.  Malik sees a shark and sacrifices himself to save Blake.  But the typical cliché of the friend not listening turns around to save them when another or maybe the same shark chases Blake.  As Blake is trying to get away from the shark another shark leaps in front of him and takes him off the jetski.  Which mysteriously doesn’t crash and burn in to a tree.

Back at the house, Sara and Nick meet up with Sheriff Sabin.  He sees the huge Hammer Head on shore and goes and talks with the remaining two survivors. Yet again, with all these sharks in the water, why hasn’t Sheriff Sabin been attacked or have been attacked?? PLOT HOLE!! I mean at least mention that you keep some sort of device because you was afraid with the hurricane flood gates open that a shark could come in and you wanted to be safe from harm.  Of course the kind sheriff gives Nick and Sara some soup, but Sara doesn’t eat it to find out Nick is passed out and so is her dog. 

When the climatic “Ooh spooky” your friend/bad history guy friend~Dennis shows up to save Sheriff Sabin’s ass.   You know what’s next.  Sara has been taken to be taught some sort of grudge lesson by Dennis and Sheriff Sabin is having his fun with Nick.  We find out that Sheriff Sabin has a huge mouth.  He tells Nick their evil plot, but we also find out he has a weakness for old rock music.  Nick uses that angle and gets out.  The only shark so far that I was able to know with out any help was the Hammer Head.  Sheriff Sabin explains that the shark he was going to be fed to was a Tiger Shark.

Still the water was to murky to even fucking tell.  Granted the cliché of the boy gets out and the bad guy gets killed/eaten so he can run off to save the woman of his dreams from the jaws of death.

Dennis reveals he is still bitter towards Sara and how things ended.  Of course naturally Sara uses her womanly ways Sara is placed in a shark cage to be fed by hungry sharks that they manage to keep in cages.  Cages?? Seriously??  How is it that aquariums don’t do that??  Sharks on display in cages!! Nick comes to save the day and a shark kills Dennis with the help of Sara.  Of course being a shark, it comes back to kill Sara.  Sara’s dog brings Nick the boom-stick and he uses to blow up the shark.  They all get out of the water and it looks a happy ending till the great white leaps out of the water towards them. 

Production notes:

Shark Night 3D is suppose to be a 3D horror film written by Will Hayes and Jesse Studenberg. Principal photography took place in the fall of 2010 in Louisiana around the Ark-La-Tex and Caddo Lake in Texas.  Naturally Shark Night 3D received very negative reviews from critics.  It had a PG-13 rating so it produced lack luster gore.

My overall opinion:

I will say the leaping shark moves was pretty impressive. Since sharks do those impressive moves out in the wild.  The guy Dennis who has deep sea dived with sharks would know that there is over 440 species of them.  Granted the Bull and River sharks can live both in salt and fresh water, which makes them diverse than the other sharks.  The Great White, Tiger, Blue, Mako, and Hammerhead are at the top of the sea kingdom. Sharks have excellent senses and even though some have great vision at night, but not all.  There was so many fuck ups in this movie.  How many sharks were in this lake??  How was it that they could hold captive sharks?? How did they get them into cages and under that storage unit with the Tiger shark??  Seriously, it was great campy fun with impressive flying shark action.  But don’t you think that the first shark would have leapt out of the water to get Malik?? How about that massive Great White??  How is it that it leaps twice??  A massive shark that big would be needing to consume more than Blake.  Sharks don’t stay to one area, why was it not near the town??  Why didn’t anybody start an investigation with all those uppity college/university students that Dennis, Red and Sheriff Sabin were feeding them??  Nobody leaves it to local authorities if there are enough reports.

A lot of people don’t seem to understand the nature of sharks. They are truly at the top of the underwater food chain and yet 3-humans are able to control them.  I find that incredibly fishy. Even if you have some sort of electric sound wave device to protect you from them, but shit always malfunctions.  Seriously they would have been eaten.  I understand the typical cliché shit were all over this movie:

• No cell phone reception
• No landline
• No radio
• No body listens
• Friends blame each other
• Friends going to a {{So-called}} secluded lake for a weekend trip
• Some one has beef with a local
• Spurn-psycho lovers
• Friends having fun on the lake and one has an accident and the list goes on

Okay, let’s actually talk about that shit.  If your friend is in the water and is screaming at you to get you out of the water, are you seriously going to laugh and poke fun at them??  NO!! If your friend is a bit far away from the boat and gets sucked in.  Well more than likely the chances of a propeller slicing his arm up is not likely.  Your friend would have been hurt and more likely be dead.  I think it is funny to see the typical person in the water having a great time and you already know that person is going to die or have something bad happen to them. 

If you like another badly made shark movie, then this is a must.  I understand with the move to 3D that the impressive moves of leaping and flinging shit, but seriously how about making a movie.  Jaws didn’t have all the special effects and leaping moves, but still that would scare the hell out of me…a giant Great White flying out of the air to get you in your tiny boat.  I think people would actually be more afraid of the ocean then they are now.  It’s a myth that sharks have great sense of smell but they have the same leaping capabilities as a Killer Whale, whales and dolphins.

Yeah adding a bunch of flesh eating sharks in one area was different, but the sharks would have made their presence known much sooner than later in different areas.  Sharks are unpredictable.  The movie itself was pretty much predictable, except for the Blake getting snatched off the Jet Ski.  That had me at awe.  I am naturally a pretty demented person, so when Gordon got to the trees, I was hoping for a shark to snatch him.  At the end of Jaws, I would make jokes that a shark would come out and eat the two.  As Nick, Sara and the dog was safely on the boat.  I was thinking the ending would be a flying shark.  Which it was….

Overall rating:

~Hellz Writer~